Today was my first day back to work after 2 sick days at home with my 3 year old Haven. We were both trying to kick some nasty something going around. Even though I felt like someone continuously dropped a piano on me I was actually happy to have a couple days home with my girl.
Since mid April I have been working full-time for the first time since having Haven and it really has been a difficult transition. Luckily, and it's not the case for everyone, I love my job and I am so grateful to be able to provide. However, my heart aches everyday I drop her off for someone else to raise and enjoy for 8 hours.
When Haven was born I was separated from my husband and lived alone. I worked part- time for the school district in my home town. It was much more doable then to live off of a part-time salary. I felt guilty then but it was just me and her and I still felt like a 100% mom. That was our life until she was 9 months old. Now, between daycare and parent time with her dad I feel like a less than 50% mom.
Before the most recent and final separation with my ex I was lucky enough to be a full-time stay-at-home mom as well. It was a dream come true! Just me and my little sugar everyday, all day. That was what I had always wanted to be doing and what I expected to be doing. Unfortunately, our plans don't always work out. I was forced to change mine and go to work when the talk of divorce became a reality. I torture myself sometimes thinking about how her life has been so inconsistent.
Luckily I am very blessed to have a highly social little one. Haven has always been an independent, very friendly girl so I take comfort in that. She makes friends in seconds whether the other child likes it or not! It has been a blessing to see her excited to go to daycare instead of sad and traumatized.
From being home for two days to going back for a full day I just feel heavy hearted for all the working moms out there who too wish they could be home.
Life may not be what we had hoped for. There may be things out of our control. Our circumstances may not permit us to stay home with our babies.
Despite the guilt and heartache I know you are feeling, let me remind you:
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!
Your babies know that! I just want to share hope with you hard working women who, at times, feel like less than other moms because you can't be home. I want to give peace that your efforts are not for nothing. You are getting by in a tough world and that deserves merit!
I also have to say that things won't be this way forever. If we are trying, and do so with integrity, we will be rewarded. Your job may promote you giving you more flexibility or offer you an 'at home' position or maybe you will come up with a business idea of your own! There are an unimaginable amount of opportunities! My dad always said "There is always room at the top!" So go find where you can work your way to the top! Your babies know you are fighting for a better future. So don't stay stagnate!
When you are with your little ones remember to BE THERE. Listen to them, talk with them, make them your number one. I know I can get my 100% if I give my 100% for the 50% of the time I have her. These tiny people will enrich us and motivate us! I feel so inspired when I tune in to my Haven. It makes me open my mind to ways I can give her a better life, even if I am on my own. Let them push you to reach that potential. It is there inside us! Find your passion, go for it and stop being hard on yourself. You really are doing great!
Don't be discouraged working moms. You guys are heroes to more eyes than you realize.