A patriarchal blessing is a very sacred and personal thing offered to each member of the church. I have no intention of sharing anything personal from my blessing but I do want to share the incredible feelings I have had about it.
I was 18, just graduated and heading into the world when I received my blessing. I remember anticipating the breathe taking and unique things I would be blessed with. I just knew this blessing would foresee specifics of my future that I was destined to accomplish. I was sure it would tell me exactly when and where to go!
My Patriarch was in the neighboring town so my parents and I dressed up one Sunday evening and just the three us went to meet him. As we drove there I was daydreaming of the details that would be given to me about my future achievements, my career and especially my future husband. Bless my heart right? I had been fasting and preparing so of course it was going to be an amazing life altering event!
All my life I had heard stories of blessings given that bestowed amazing gifts and specific details about the lives of those blessed. I was ready to have God tell me what was about to happen in my life too.
I walked into that room so excited to have my purpose in life made known!
I walked out of that room disappointed.
I felt like I was walking out with a form letter. You know the one, the tiny envelope you get from the college you were not accepted to. "Dear so and so, we regret to inform you...."
I thought God was regretting to inform me as well.
Where were my detailed specifics? What was my big calling in life? Where was I going to meet my future husband? How was I supposed to find "the one" without the road map my patriarchal blessing was supposed to be?
I was just sure I deserved a redo! I questioned it every time I read my blessing after that. Was I not special to the Him? Did I not deserve pages of gifts and exact directions? Was there nothing special in store for me?
That was 6 years ago. That was a girl who had not yet experienced all the challenges this life throws at you. That was a girl who was avoiding the responsibility of finding her own way.
I wanted to be told exactly what to do. I wanted my Heavenly Father to say "jump," and I was willing to say "how high?" I didn't realize at that time that he was. He is a God of agency. He sent us here to learn and grow within the guidelines of His word. I just hadn't opened my mind to the beauty and liberation that comes from making my own choices. I needed to show my desire to make the right decisions without knowing what would happen. They are small, daily decisions. It is faith to do it and trust that things will turn out wonderful.
Just like God asking Elisha to bathe in the river, he was telling me the small and simple ways I was going to create the life I wanted. The things said in my prayer felt like the typical "Sunday school" answers then, but now feel very specific to my needs.
I re-read my blessing today and it all finally made sense. It all came together to speak to me. All these years of voluntarily for-fitting my special blessings because they weren't spelled out for me and I am just now getting it.
My blessing was given exactly the way I needed it. I cannot hide or forego the responsibility to make my own choices. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't then and I can't now. I finally understand that even though my blessing doesn't say word for word what I can have in my life that it does say I can indeed have every accomplishment and gift I expected years ago. It does say I am as entitled to making good choices as anyone. It is not a story telling me what my life will be, it is a loving set of guidelines to help me help myself write my own story.
I feel very empowered, and even more humbled to read my blessing today. My Heavenly Father knew me then and He wanted me to grow! He wanted to teach me how to make those decisions in my life that would lead to that 'once in a lifetime' love, that fulfilling career, my clear role in life.
I can look back now and feel the Lord's love for me as He surrounded me during my blessing. He is here with me now as I make heads or tales of my life. I am grateful for my blessing and the light and guidance it's giving me now.
Trust me when I say that our Heavenly Father does NOT send out form letters. We each mean so much to Him. If you are feeling that you were not given the blessing you expected, then look at yourself through His eyes. Look for what your blessing does say, not what it doesn't. He knows you. He is guiding you.