What is Validation? Is it bad? Good? A band aid for low self esteem, maybe? Does it mean I am broken for wanting it?
Could it be none of these things and all of these things?
Needing validation is scientifically part of our brain chemistry as human beings. Validation is the name it takes, but underneath that is satisfying a need for acceptance from society. A subconscious need to have people in our corner. By that logic it is completely normal and okay to do what you need to in order to get it and feel that safety.
The collective norms are the base line by which we gauge our worth. We may not be able to identify that consciously, but through comparing group think and our own thoughts we determine where we need to land to be agreeable or "good enough." Going against the crowd sends a signal through our body, this heightened sense of danger. Fear that if we don't fit in we will be rejected, alone and ultimately not survive. Obviously the fear of being hunted by a literal predator isn't realistic in our day but the same DNA exists. The same reasoning and logic are present.
It is very much a biological and primal response. We need a tribe, a village, human connection. On an even deeper level our souls seek out the connection to other souls. Humans are social creators by nature. So then why should we avoid the hunger and measures we take to gain that validation? It's always going to be part of our biology to some degree.
I believe it is good to find it in the right places, for the right reasons.
I say, become friends with it. Sit with it. Inquire of it.
Right now in this social climate with so much access to media, we are dependent upon the story views, likes and comments to fill the instinctual need to be accepted but what are we actually feeling? Are we actually creating a safer space for ourselves by relying mainly on social media?
I have gone to war with myself on this topic. When I truly make space to question my motives online, I quickly realize it's in the spirit of scarcity. I am needing people to see what I am doing, the fun thing I just did or the expensive meal I just ate and ultimately I am operating from a place of ego. That ego is driving the fear that no-one cares because I haven't gotten recognition online. I am irrelevant because I didn't post something today. Hell, even this blog post was born from thoughts like that. I see and hear all that others have to say and I question my own worth. I doubt my own purpose or importance. How are those thoughts safe? How am I filling the primal need to create allies and connections?
I know I'm not the only person who has this battle around their role or place in the social media pecking order. I know I am not the only person with something I feel called to share.
So where do we find balance between sharing a message of expansion and compassion while also keeping our safety sourcing in the best place for our growth.
When I say Safety Sourcing I am referring to the places we rely on to fill that need for acceptance and "survival." The sources in which we seek for the assurance that we are doing okay; that we will survive.
I find that prioritizing my safety sourcing brings me back to real, true places of independence and safety. Number one being myself. My sovereignty as an energetic, soul/spirit being. My ability to go within to find stability and answers I need to create the life I am intuitively drawn to.
Other healthy, safety sourcing for me comes from authentic, face to face conversation with people who listen to hear and not just tp respond. Opening up and allowing tears and laughter with the souls that understand me and really see me. NOT JUST ONLINE FOLLOWERS, although that is where some of those relationships start.
I look to spiritual practices, sex, high vibrational foods, movement and comedy. Things you enjoy can be these sources for you. There is a safety in doing the things you enjoy and allowing people into your REAL life.
I hope this post helped someone today. I struuuuugle with this whole modern day issue but when I examine why, I find out new and glorious things about the power I have over it.
Sourcing safety online is like eating an entire cake, you get a lot all at once, you feel full for an hour or two but there was hardly any real value in it and you'll have sugar cravings for days after or even eternally of you don't curb the craving. I feel like that pattern is the real issue.
I would challenge you to a social media detox in order to find sustainable safety sourcing. Real and emotionally dense sources to make you feel accepted and worthy just as you are today. Rely on the real connections in your life that bring tangible joy and a steady foundation. You are safe and within you is the inner knowing to find the security you are searching for.
Love and Light, my friends!